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Hope no one minds me reviving this post - it is another one of Arrdee's stories which always made me smile. Enjoy...
Now this a true account of my phone call to Sky , people who know me will tell you that I don't make things up and I always tell the truth.
Arriving home the other day I was greeted at the door with the glad tidings from my daughter "the computer is down, page cannot be displayed" my blood ran cold , If ever there was a set of words designed to kill man these were it , indeed they could wipe out nations , "you have to ring Sky dad" "whats that gone wrong as well" I began to worry what disasters had overtaken the arrdee household in my absence"no Sky are the providers of our Internet" "mum is ringing the number " I allowed myself to be ushered to my computer and plonked down in front of it . "There you are its ringing" said my wife thrusting the phone in my hand , I suddenly though what am I doing ?I know nothing about computers this is going to be humiliating for me , I have to get rid of this phone quick , I swiveled in my chair only to see my wife and daughter backing towards the door as if reading my thoughts , I was on my own.
This voice came on saying "can I help you"? In what I can only describe as belonging to Peter Grants brother , I could hardly make him out ,"yes my computer wont work all I can get is page cannot be displayed" "Is your rota on sir" my heart sunk surly my Free Bet rota wasn't the cause of my problem , I went on to explain how I needed my rota to inform the Pickers whose turn it was to make the final selections on the Free Bet , I even promised him a good drink if I could keep my rota . "I don't know what you mean sir" ah-ha I thought I was going to be the ignorant one but no no no I had the advantage he seemed not to know anything about the Free Bet , I was away now I was telling him how Yankee had become the first winner and how he had won two weeks on the bounce . "Am I suppose to know what you are talking about sir" "you asked me about my rota on the Free Bet" "ROUTER" "alright Granty no need to shout my ear is ringing my good one as well".
"Right Granty where do we find this router all I have got on my screen is page cannot be displayed there are no bits and bobs around the edge" "no sir its a piece of equipment that will be somewhere near your computer probably higher than your computer to aid your signal it will have a small Ariel on it" . I don't know I cant say I have seen anything like that , I was looking all over , Ah-ha "do you mean that white thing perched on top of a pile of books and empty cake tins"? At this point this banging started which at first I thought was them trying to repair my computer from their end but the more I listened it sounded more like someone slapping their hand on a desk and I could hear this gurgling noise , It suddenly came to me they were horsing around having little wrestling matches amongst themselves , someone had got Granty in a head lock and that's why he couldn't talk and he was slapping the desk in submission.
When Granty had recovered from the stranglehold or what ever it was he came back on with "how many windows have you got sir" "well just the one in this room but I can open the window if you think it will help your signal to get through rather than butting up against the glass" Again came this slapping noise and it sounded as if someone was crying , I hoped they hadn't been too hard on Granty .
"No I mean on your computer Sir" oh dear I was in trouble now as I haven't got a clue "Don't bother sir you have got Vista" well I thought if you know why ask . "Can you turn off your computer sir"? I was on my home territory now "Yep done that" "Well done sir" "Is your monitor off as well"? "It most certainly is" "Well done sir" uumm two well done's on the trot I felt I was picking up the points now after a sticky start . "Whats next Granty" "Sir my name is not Granty ,would you mind not calling me that ? that's the sixth time you have called me that" "Sorry Gr...I didn't realise I was .
I seemed to have drawn a crowd I could hear them all a round the phone at this stage , I thought that's what arrdee likes lots of social cohesion everyone trying to get arrdee back on line . As Granty seemed to be refusing to talk to me I handed the phone to my wife telling her Granty has gone all tempermental on me , Ruth was pulling leads out plugging them back in , Ruth told me to turn the computer on and there she was the Pink un message board , Yes Yes my babies arrdee was back on line . I could hear Ruth saying "thanks ever so much" I motioned to her to give me the phone , she said" hang my husband wants to thank you" I got the phone and shouted down it with all my might GRANTY GRANTY GRANTY and then turned the phone off .
So be on your guard if you think you have got Granty on the line don't call him that what ever you do because he is sure to turn baxxard on you . ![Big Smile <img src=]() " src="/cs/emoticons/emotion-2.gif"> arrdee.
If only I could find the time I want to kill - Beginning of the twist - The Futureheads
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