Time to think big and follow the United model

PUBLISHED: 19:24 01 September 2009 | UPDATED: 16:28 10 September 2010

The Man In The Stands

Let's get this straight - League One is rubbish.

We've been up against a handful of clubs so far and, to be honest, they've all been absolute gash.

The only possible exception is the Ewes, but it's hard to tell because we played as if we'd spent all summer learning the fine art of extreme ironing rather than football.

Let's get this straight - League One is rubbish.

We've been up against a handful of clubs so far and, to be honest, they've all been absolute gash.

The only possible exception is the Ewes, but it's hard to tell because we played as if we'd spent all summer learning the fine art of extreme ironing rather than football.

And we've nicked their manager, so they're gash now too.

The Man wants to see us treat the division with the contempt it deserves.

We've started well, poaching some small fry's boss.

As fans, we stroll around expecting three points all the time.

Now we just need to win a load of games, bully the officials into giving us decisions and wait for the 'high noon deciders' against dirty Leeds, Charlton and Huddersfield.

We've got the evil top man. No more of Delia's sugar and spice; just a sinister David McGnarly chipping away at our pauper rivals.

That's right. Follow the tried and tested path and we'll be back with our deluded, like-minded Championship friends before we know it.

And it'll keep the next nine months interesting, because a fixture list consisting only of the crap Championship games we used to hate just isn't doing it.

* * * * * * * * *

I've said it before, The Man is no hypocrite. But he is, like all of us, blindly fickle.

Step forward Michael Nelson, who managed to transform from an immovable (immobile?) object at Ewe-gate to an irresistible force on Saturday.

His goal? It was like, well, watching Michael Nelson attempt a bicycle kick. No wires, no blue screen. Just a thing of beauty.

So his dues are paid - but still best to keep him and The Doc away from each other on a football pitch for a while.

And I still think Michael Flapalot-klitos isn't a real goalkeeper.

Hypocrite? No. Bitter? Damn right. So I delighted in seeing Marsh, Sammy Clingan and Crofty all lost at the weekend.

Good to know our reigning 'player of the season' has been found out - only good enough for the bench behind Robbie Savage.

And Sammy's ambitious move to Coventry has seen him miss one penalty and conceded another - surprising, as he didn't make a tackle all last season.

* * * * * * * * *

Steve McClaren really took it hard when he screwed up England.

All that money the FA threw at him means he's forgotten the price of bog roll - the bog roll in this case being David Carney.

McClaren spent £400,000 (that's not a typo) on the Aussie who 'impressed' like so many of our loan heroes did during our successful battle for relegation last season.

No, The Man doesn't get it either.

* * * * * * * * *

We always thought playing for Ips**** would be enough to suck the will out of people - and now there's proof.

Having spent six years trudging around the scum's car park/training ground and with the lingering threat of having to play in front of Portaloo Road's 10,000 regulars - Shane Supple had enough.

And the guy wasn't even rubbish. He was an Ireland U21 goalkeeper and everything.

“Deep down my heart is not in the game any more and I'm not going to go into work every day trying to convince myself that it is, so it's the right time for me to walk away,” he said.

I expect we're only a few weeks away from Roy Keane doing the same thing. Again.

* * * * * * * * *

What is not to like about the Johnstone's Paint Trophy?

It ends at Wembley, the actual Paint Pot Cup has been on display at - wait for it - Roys of Wroxham, plus we're one of the 'Big Four' again. Cue arrogance.

Not that The Man expects anything other than another early exit. That's we do.

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